A Swim in the Laughing Soup
NOJO (to audience)
Some mean stars up there tonight. They get brighter in winter, bigger. Cold makes the air like a lens. At ten below stars can burn through a man’s eyes right into his brain… happened to me once.
(Discovers broken ladder.)
Oh shit, looks like the giant has lost another comb.
(Glances around.)
Maybe it’s only a ladder. Yeah, that’s it. I could pretend like the side rail is missing. And those footprints there … just big smears of mud. If I don’t believe in him, see, he doesn’t exist.
(Beat.)
It’s a kind of magic.
(Drags ladder back to the fire.)
GENE AUTRY
You broke your promise, Joey-oey-oey-oe.
(Yodels the name.)
No Joey-noey-oey-oey-oe.
NOJO (to audience)
Crazy as a chicken and chatting with his hallucinations. Now that’s one luxury I can’t afford.
(Beat.)
Because of the curse, you know. When I imagine things, they come true. That’s how come they can’t see me.
(Breaks a piece off the ladder.)
See? Just a ladder.
(Laughs nervously, throws it into the barrel.)
GENE AUTRY (yodeling)
No Joey-oey-noey-oey-oey-oey-no.
THIRSTY
Hey Gene Autry, shut the fuck up.
NOJO
(Approaches the box, gives it a gentle kick.)
Tape the ends, stick a $200 stamp on the box and we could mail them to Florida. Or North Dakota.
HUNGRY
Gene Autry? Is that what you called him? How old are you anyway?
THIRSTY
Old enough to be fuckin’ president.
GENE AUTRY (in his normal voice)
Joey-noey-oey-oey-no.
HUNGRY
Listen, I gotta eat.
THIRSTY
So eat.
HUNGRY
(Moves restlessly in the box.)
Besides, you ain’t got shit to drink.
THIRSTY
No.
NOJO (to audience)
If that’s true, I can’t stay. If I don’t pour some booze on my imagination soon, the river could thicken to blood. Frogs might crawl up my pants.
